Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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