singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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