Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
