Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Acid is not a monday night drug
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
