Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
