I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Vodka?
Forever.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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