??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Best friends brother. Beat that.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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