I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
