I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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