I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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