Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
