So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
