my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
