you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize