Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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