I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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