i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
