oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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