I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
