went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize