It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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