if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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