He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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