Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
