drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
