my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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