I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
