I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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