Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize