i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
