I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
