Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
