Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
