I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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