You just made me feel so damn special
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
