I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
