Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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