He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
