??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
