I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
