First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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