Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize