i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
