I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just cropdusted the office
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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