the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize