You're earring is so big in my mouth
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
