If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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