i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
