Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
