So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
