My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
