You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
