he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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