I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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