Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
