No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
