I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm really into asian looking animals
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize