wanna go halves on a baby?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
