i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
