yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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