think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
