I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize