I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
