I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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