She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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