I met the friendliest cop last night
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Randomize
