apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
