dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
