Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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